Reacting When Your Upset With Your Spouse

When your upset with your spouse and your feelings may be hurt. You’re not thinking straight and words may come out of your mouth that you may not truly mean. Then the both of you are walking around mad or upset with one another for hours or days full of bitterness and anger. After a while, you have completely forgotten why you had the disagreement in the first place.

My husband and I disagree on things at times; what couple doesn’t?  I may get more upset than him on several things, simply because I am more emotional than him. It may bother me longer than it does him….the minutes later I may bring it up and he will say, “ You still mad about that?!” “I forgot all about it!”. My eyes rolling hard…sigh

That is when I realized that it was not that serious. Why was I getting so upset over nothing or little things when this joka has moved on! SMH

Let me share with you 3 tips on how to react to being upset with your spouse.

How would you feel?

This is what sets me straight EVERY SINGLE TIME!! How would I feel if my husband spoke to me ugly or any old type of way? I would be hurt! I would probably be crying in a corner or in a pillow somewhere. Then bitterness would step in and I would have resentment and anger in my heart. Or I would lash out and just start fussing.

I know because I have done that in my past relationships. I did not realize that I did that until I was not doing the same in my present relationship.

What changed my thoughts about it was the fact that my husband did not respond in fussing, name-calling or argumentative tone. So I began to reflect what he had shown me.

I did not what to be looked down upon or called out my name. I did not want to be belittled or feel less than with his words and he never did that to me. So I didn’t!

I knew that I could have had the tendency to say whatever that came to my mouth when I was upset. Not wanting to be that angry wife that was liable to say whatever, whenever.

Simply reflected my actions and words in the heat of the moment off of what I did not want him to do to me. That worked, for us.

Why are you really mad?

I have to be truly honest and say that my husband and I did not argue not once our first year together. Really we were still smitten with each other and the other reason was his personality. Cool, calm and collected dude. When I would get all upset over something and minutes, hours or a day later he will say, Huh?!?! “Are you still thinking about that?” Made me realize what am I really upset about?! Did I want to waste these moments and times upset about something that really did not matter? Something that was possibly taken the wrong way.

My husband worked a lot and I remember thinking that the time we got to spend together was precious and I did not want to waste that time over some nonsense.  

It is funny how everything is going well then something out the blue comes up that may lead in disagreement. That is when I realized that the enemy comes in all shapes and forms to stir up discord in marriages and relationships. And he certainly was not going to ruin the moment we shared or carved out our day to ruin it with some mess.

Just Talk It Out

The oldest relationship advice in the book. Just talk it out! The simplest thing that we forget to do is just communicate with one another.

Who wants to talk when your upset with one another? Not me!

Just open up your mouth and talk about it right then if you can be calm and rational about the situation. If not! Then wait until the dust has had time to settle and talk.

No yelling. No fussing. Talk. (This is tough for me to do, sometimes when I talk I sound like am fussing, he knows that though. LOL!)

Talk about how you felt when this or that was said. Talk about what may have upset you at the moment. If you feel like you can not talk to your spouse or significant other then write it down. When you write it down somehow it becomes more tangible in your heart and remembrance in your mind. And your spouse can refer back to it if needed. Writing it down may help if one of you are more argumentative than the other.

Reacting to an angry wife or husband can so easily go South real quick with the wrong words and reactions. Taking into account how you would feel if they treated or talked to you a certain will help with your reaction. Figuring out why are your really mad or getting to the root of the issue makes you think. It really is that serious?! Probably not and if not then just talk about it. Get it off of your chest when the best moment strikes and have a heart to heart.

I love this quote that I saw that stated: Our Reaction To A Situation Literally Has The Power To Change The Situation Itself. (not my quote)